Experts Propose Plugging Oil Leak With BP Executives
Fake news by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTONAt a conference of oil leak experts in Washington today, attendees proposed plugging the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico with executives of BP, the company responsible for the catastrophic spill.
Weve tried containment domes, rubber tires and even golf balls, said William Cathermeyer of the National Oil Leakage Institute, a leading consultancy in the field of oil leaks. Now its time to shove some BP executives down there and hope for the best.
Submerging the oil company executives thousands of feet below the oceans surface could be a win-win situation, Cathermeyer said. Best-case scenario, they plug the leak, he said. And at the very least, theyll shut the fuck up.
VENICE, La. As hurricane season approaches, the giant oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico takes weather forecasters into nearly uncharted waters.
The Gulf is a superhighway for hurricanes that form or explode over pools of hot water, then usually move north or west toward the coast. The site of the sunken rig is along the general path of some of the worst storms ever recorded, including Hurricane Camille, which wiped out the Mississippi coast in 1969, and Hurricane Katrina in 2005.
The season officially starts Tuesday, and while scientists seem to agree that the sprawling slick isn’t likely to affect the formation of a storm, the real worry is that a hurricane might turn the millions of gallons of floating crude into a crashing black surf.
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